Friggin' MarySues
by Nevweh
Summary: Some people write Mary-Sues. Not many like them. Katie, a snotty, bratty thirteen year old girl and her snobbish friend Tammy also hate Mary-Sues. Until they become one.
1. Hate the Friggin' MarySues!

Katie closed her book. She was finally done. She had spent three "friggin" weeks on that stupid book report. She looked around herself. It was a Saturday. Her room was big, with nice sheets and expensive clothes. She had everything she wanted, including a vaio laptop, a television (equipped with a DVD and VHS ), and a stereo.  
  
Katie was spoiled, as some would say, and it was a surprise that she had as many friends as she had. Katie had shoulder length straight brown hair and dark eyes.  
  
She picked up the phone she had begged her father for a week ago.  
  
She dialed her friend's phone number. Her friend, Tammy, had brown frizzy hair, and dark brown eyes. She was also a tad spoiled, though not as much as Katie.  
  
"Hello?" A voice said through the phone.   
  
"Hi. It's Katie. Tammy?" Katie said.  
  
"I'll get her," The voice said.  
  
"Hurry," Katie said impatiently.  
  
"Hello?" Tammy said after a few seconds.  
  
"Hi, Tammy, it's Katie," Katie said.  
  
"Oh, hi Katie."  
  
"Yeah. Are you done with The Lord of the Rings yet?" Katie said.  
  
"Uh-huh. You?"  
  
"Yup."   
  
"Cool."   
  
"So .... do you wanna come over?" Katie asked.  
  
"Okay!"  
  
"At noon?"  
  
"Cool."  
  
"Bye!" Katie said, and hung up. She smiled and looked at her book again. The Lord of the Rings. She had read it. And she had liked it. At first, being the snobbish girl she was, she had been very reluctant to read it.  
  
She got up off of her silky bed sheets, and sat in her computer chair. It was nine o clock. She was bored. So, she went to bored.com. She scanned through the site a while, until she came upon a link to fanfiction.net. She clicked on it.  
  
She looked into books, and she found what she was looking for. Lord of the Rings.  
  
She read a few fanfics. "God, this sucks! This whole thing is Mary-sues! Can't anyone serve my needs?! AH!" She yelled.   
  
She looked through a few more fics and saw that there was even more Mary- Sues. " AH! What the he**? God!" She yelled.   
  
"Hunny? Is there a problem?" Katie's mother said through the door.   
  
"I'm FINE!" Katie yelled.   
  
"Okay."   
  
"Stupid Mary-friggin-Sues! MY LORD! THIS SUCKS!"  
  
Katie spent a good few minutes yelling at her computer. The, she had enough nerve to email Fanfiction.net workers to complain.   
  
At noon, Tammy arrived. Katie, without clicking out of the website, ran downstairs. "Hi, Tammy," She said, waving.   
  
"Whatever. Let's go upstairs," She said grumpily. Katie nodded, and the two headed upstairs.   
  
Once inside Katie's room, Tammy looked around. She looked at Katie's computer and saw that she was reading a LOTR fanfiction. "Katie, what is that? I thought you don't like Lord of the Rings!" Tammy said accusingly.   
  
"I uh ..... don't know! All I know, is I came on this site, and all the things are Mary-Sues! God! I hate it!" Katie said.   
  
"Whatever," Tammy said. "I hate Lord of the Rings. And this stupid report."   
  
"Yeah."   
  
Tammy walked over to the computer and pressed the escape button. Suddenly, the world stopped. "What the he**?" Tammy said.   
  
Suddenly, the room spun, and both Tammy and Katie saw no more. ************Please Review? *************** 


	2. Friggin' MarySues and a Feast

Katie woke up. She groaned and stood up. Only, she could swear she was taller. She looked at herself, and she gasped. "Oh my god!" She yelled.  
  
She frantically felt her self. She was taller, and as she felt her face, she found that her ears were ...... elfy. "No!" Katie whispered.  
  
She looked around, and saw that she was by a stream. She walked over to it, and saw that she looked beautiful, and she was wearing a blue dress, her ears were pointy, and her hair had grown at least four inches and was darker and wavier.  
  
Suddenly, she heard a groan. "Katie?" Tammy's voice said. Katie looked around herself and saw a little figure with frizzy hair. It was Tammy .. and she was a hobbit.  
  
"Oh no .... Tammy! We're ..... different ...." Katie whispered, and ran up to Tammy. She was wearing green and brown clothing, equipped with a striped scarf.  
  
"Where ARE we? Katie, what happened?" Tammy whispered. She looked down and screamed.  
  
"KATIE! My feet ...." She hissed. "They're .. furry!"  
  
Katie had a hunch what was happening. And she hated it. "God! I'm a Mary- Sue! Sh**!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Tammy, we're in Middle Earth! This is so corny! No!" Katie cried.  
  
"Do you mean .. I'm a friggin hobbit? And you're a friggin elf?" Tammy whispered.  
  
"Yes, Tammy .... And I hate this! I'm wearing a friggin dress! And I've got geeky ears! I'm a FRIGGIN' MARY-SUE!" Katie said, and pulled Tammy to the stream.  
  
"OH MY LORD!" Tammy said. She studied herself. She was a hobbit. She was only three feet tall, had brown, and even frizzier hair, and even frizzier feet.  
  
"I HATE THIS! I'M A MARY-SUE! NO!" Katie yelled, and started crying. She looked into the stream and cried.  
  
Katie started to run in circles. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO! This is impossible! Friggin' stupid! Mary-Sues aren't real! They can't be! NO!"  
  
"Arwen! Hurry! The halflings are here," Said a voice. Katie looked around. She saw a an elf with even darker hair than she. He was tall, and had lines of age.  
  
"Arwen?" Katie whispered. Tammy looked at her curiously.  
  
"Oh, hello young Peregrin! Meriadoc is in the hall! Would you like to join the feast? Frodo has awakened." The elf said. Katie stared. If she was Arwen, then he was .... Elrond! Gosh, the world was crazy.  
  
"Okay, father. I will be there soon," Katie said carefully. She nudged Tammy, and she nodded.  
  
Elrond left. "What the he**?!" Tammy said. "What is going on?!"  
  
"We're in a friggin' Mary-Sue! I think when you pressed escape, we were transported into friggin' Middle Earth!" Katie hissed.  
  
"But that's impossible! Plus, how come you get to be a tall, pretty elf?! I have to be a boy, and short!" Tammy complained.  
  
"Who cares? I hate Mary-Sues, and now we're friggin' in one!" Katie hissed.  
  
"No!" Tammy cried.  
  
"Yes! And I'm Arwen, and you're Pippin! Lord!" Katie whispered. If this was true, Pippin looked only scarcely like Billy Boyd, and she looked absolutely nothing like Liv Tyler.  
  
"Do you think we should go to the feast?" Asked "Pippin"  
  
"Yes. But just remember what you've read. You're Pippin, Peregrin Took, and I'm Arwen. And Elrond said that Frodo had just recovered! So we should be in Rivendell, and even before the fellowship set out ..." Katie stated.  
  
"I HATE Lord of the Rings! I hate this!" Tammy whined.  
  
"Well, do you think I can DO anything?" Katie said savagely.  
  
"No, but I want to go home! I hate this! And if that was Elrond, he doesn't look ANYTHING like Hugo Weaving! Well, except for the eyebrows," Tammy said.  
  
"You've seen the movie?"  
  
"No! But my younger sister, being the freak she is, loves the Lord of the Rings!"  
  
"Oh. Well, Let's go!"  
  
"Whatever."  
  
The two walked away in the direction of the vast building that was the Last Homely Home.  
  
"Stupid friggin' ... Lord of the Rings .... Katie----" Tammy mumbled.  
  
"No! You have to call me Arwen, Peregrin." Katie said through clenched teeth.  
  
"I HATE this! HATE IT!" Tammy said.  
  
"Well, let's go, or ...."  
  
'"Or what?" Tammy hissed.  
  
"I don't know what!"  
  
"Whatever."  
  
When the two reached the Home, a hobbit, who was dressed likewise to Tammy, walked up. It was Merry.  
  
"Oi! Hullo! It's about time you've arrived!" Merry said. Then he saw Arwen. "Hullo, Lady! I'm afraid I don't recognize you.  
  
"I'm Ka------ I mean Arwen. Arwen," Katie said.  
  
The two followed Merry into the hall. The lights were bright, and the volume was high. Tammy took a seat next to Merry.  
  
"Hello, Arwen," A voice said, and Katie jumped. She looked around, and saw Elrond.  
  
"Hello, father." She said.  
  
"Come, sit."  
  
"Yes," Katie whispered, and glanced at Tammy. She was nervously eating.  
  
Katie followed him to his seat. An elf to the side of her pulled out her chair. Katie sat, and he pushed the chair in and bowed.  
  
"Thank you," Katie said. She was trying to act like Arwen.  
  
The feast began.  
  
Tammy was having a harder time, as she didn't read the books as well. Merry would try to start a song, and Tammy would say no. She didn't know any. Well, when Merry finally got on her nerves, she started to sing.  
  
Oh, Screw Mary-Sue  
  
Pile o loo?  
  
Uh.. In my shoes?  
  
Whatever ... I hate Mary-Sues!  
  
Everyone stared. Katie hit her own head. Mary-Sues are messing with Tammy's head. Tammy was never a good rhymer. Merry started to clap, and everyone else did.  
  
"Who's Mary-Sue, Pip?" Merry asked.  
  
"Uh .... A screwy nutcase who thinks she knows everything? And is never original?" Tammy answered, and Katie shot eye-daggers at her.  
After the stupid song had been covered up, Tammy walked up to Katie.  
  
"Arwen? I hate this!" Tammy said.  
  
"I know. Almost every friggin'--- I mean almost every fanfiction is a Mary- Sue!" Katie said, as she noticed Elrond was listening.  
  
"Mary-Sue? Fanfictions?" Elrond asked.  
  
"Nothing, father."  
  
"Okay."  
  
Tammy gasped, and pretended to faint.  
  
"What?" Katie asked.  
  
Tammy whispered into Katie's ear: "You being so nice!"  
  
"Hey! I'm nice!"  
  
"Right ....."  
  
Elrond rose after a short while. The feast was over. Elrond got up, and Katie knew she must follow him. Then, the company followed them.  
  
To SaraMcGregor and Earendel: Thanks for reviewing! Mary-Sues suk!  
  
****************** PLEASE REVIEW! ******************** 


	3. Nursery Rhymes and Romance

Katie was led to a garden outside the house. She was smiling, but inside she hated all of it, and all of its unoriginality! Shoot! It was sucky!  
  
( Hey, Earendel, it's coming! ^.^ ) *  
"Dunadan wishes to see you, Arwen," Elrond whispered. He led the nervous Katie to Aragorn, who stood up and bowed. He walked up and took her hand. Katie closed her eyes tight as he kissed it.  
  
Katie blushed furiously and followed Aragorn to the seats with Elrond. Aragorn sat, and Katie and Elrond followed.  
  
Aragorn started to sing. He sang a song of a language she did not know. She expected it to be elvish. She hated it. She wanted to go home. Why were Mary-Sues even invented?  
  
Katie did not speak. Aragorn stopped after a while, and stared.  
  
"Why do you not sing, Evenstar?" He asked, obviously hurt.  
  
"I do not know ..." Katie said impatiently. She thought of a way to sue the creator of Mary-Sues.  
  
Elrond got up, bowed, and said, "I think I will go greet the hobbits. Frodo and Bilbo need to be summoned."  
  
Katie watched Elrond leave and looked at Aragorn. He had a semi-hurt feeling deep into his dark eyes. A pang of pity stung Katie's heart.  
  
Rarely does any pit come to the heart of Katie, so please write this down in your record books. Maybe it was because Aragorn was so gosh-darn- cuh-ute!  
  
"Oh, it is not you, dear Aragorn!" Katie stated, trying to be Arwen-ish. She was acting like a sap.  
  
Aragorn sighed. "Then is there a pain you wish to tell me of?"  
  
"No, it is not you, nor is there a pain," Katie said. Does anyone use the word "nor" anymore?  
  
"Let me sing on then, and if you do not join then I shant take pain into my heart," He whispered. He sang on, and Katie mentally sighed. Stupid Mary-Sues!  
  
After a good while of singing, and the night grew old, and Katie was getting impatient.  
  
"Arwen! Let me take you to your room?" Aragorn asked.  
  
Katie rolled her eyes. What a sap. ( Hey, Aragorn-fans! Don't take it seriously! It's just the way Katie IS. ) "Whatev-----Yes, you may."  
  
Aragorn took her hand, and leaned in to Katie's face. Correction---- lips. Katie leaned in and kissed him too. And they kissed for an hour. Then they lived happily ever after.  
  
Sorry, but no. Back to reality. That would have happened, if I was Walt Disney. Okay. As Aragorn kissed, Katie squealed and leaned out.  
  
"What is it malady?" Aragorn asked.  
  
"Nothing, it was just a disgusting bug the size of Texas behind you," Katie covered up. She blushed. Aragorn, who slightly reminded her of Viggo, had tried to kiss her. What if he tried again? Katie had never kissed before.  
  
"Texas?"  
  
"Nothing!"  
  
"Okay .."  
  
Oh great. He did. He leaned in once again and----------  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Tammy looked around her. She was walking with Merry in the garden. She wondered where Katie was. She crossed her arms and scowled.  
  
Merry started to sing. Tammy recognized it from all the times her little sister had watched the DVD. It was kind of creepy to know it was real.  
  
Hey hoh to Tammy rolls her eyes I go,  
  
To Tammy didn't hear this part and wash my woes,  
  
Oh rain may fall, and wind may blow,  
  
But there shall be ... Many miles to go!  
  
Tammy actually listens now----wow!   
  
Sweeter than the sound of the pouring rain,  
  
And a stream that rolls from hill to plain!  
  
Better than rain, or rippling brook!  
  
There's a mug o' beer inside this Took!  
  
"Hey! That is my song!" Said Tammy, trying to play along. She rolled her eyes.  
  
"Aye, I know! But it does do a good bit of nice rhyming and fun! Will you sing it with me once more, then?" He asked hopefully.  
  
Tammy started to sweat. Friggin' Mary-Sues .. "Uh ... I don't feel good. I'm full?"  
  
"You, Pip? Are you ever really full?" Merry laughed.  
  
"Uh .... yes?" Tammy said nervously.  
  
Merry shook his head. "You are feeling weird. Anyways, why were you walking with that pretty elf-maiden? Bilbo told me that she is Arwen, daughter of Elrond! "  
  
"I dunno ...." Tammy said.  
  
Merry shrugged, and walked on. "What do you say we go toward that singing?"  
  
Tammy listened carefully. In the distance, she could hear singing. "Okay!" She said curiously.  
  
And so they walked on, toward the singing. Once they got close, they hid in a bush and watched. Tammy looked, and gasped. It was Katie. Arwen- Katie, that is. Next to her was a googly-eyed Aragorn. He stopped singing. * refer to above to hear his words * He talked to Katie.  
  
She talked to him back nervously, and after a while they got up and left. Tammy followed. Merry got up and followed her.  
  
Once Aragorn and Katie stopped, Merry and Tammy hid behind a statue. Then, after some talking, Aragorn leaned in for a kiss. Tammy gasped.  
  
"What?" Merry hissed.  
  
"Nothing!"  
  
Then, when Tammy looked back, Aragorn was leaning in for another kiss. Poor Katie. So, then, Tammy was shoved out of the bush. She looked behind her and saw Merry next to her. In the bushes she saw a flash disappear. Who had kicked her? Sam? Merry shrugged with a "It wasn't me, so don't kill me" look on.  
  
Tammy and Merry looked at Aragorn and Katie. Aragorn had stopped leaning in, and along with Katie was staring at the two hobbits.  
  
"What is the meaning of this?" Aragorn growled. Merry cringed, but Tammy stood.  
  
"Because we came to help Kat--- I mean, to sing a song for you!" Tammy said, and promised herself that if she ever got home, Katie was soooo going to pay her back for this. Friggin' Mary-Sues!  
Katie smiled. Aragorn's face changed, and he laughed. "Well! Let's hear it!"  
  
Tammy looked at Merry. Merry shrugged. Tammy whispered something to him, and she sang.  
Merry had a little lamb!  
  
Little lamb, little lamb!  
  
Merry had a little lamb,  
  
Whose fleece was white as snow?  
  
Everywhere that Merry went  
  
Merry went,  
  
Merry went!  
  
Everywhere that Merry went,  
  
The lamb was sure to go?  
  
Tammy finished, and Merry, who had been dancing around her, stopped. Aragorn clapped, and Katie almost cracked up.  
  
"I've never heard that one before! Let's have another one?" Aragorn laughed.  
  
Merry smiled, and urged Tammy to sing. Oh, all right. Tammy thought of a song she had sung her sister when she was young.  
  
Do you know the muffin man?  
  
The muffin man?  
  
The muffin man!  
  
Do you know the muffin man,  
  
Who lives on Drury Lane?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Yes, I know the Muffin Man!  
  
The muffin man,  
  
The muffin man!  
  
Yes, I know the muffin man,  
  
Who lives on Drury Lane!  
  
Aragorn laughed, and Merry, once again, stopped dancing. Katie was trying not to burst, and clapped to let it out. Tammy scowled, but struggled a smile, and bowed.  
  
"Well, here is my room! I will see you tomorrow, all of you! Pippin, may I see you? Aragorn, goodnight. Fare well, Merry," She said. Aragorn kissed her on her hand, as there was no time for the lips ( Alleluia! Alleluia! ), and left. Merry followed, and Tammy walked into Katie's room.  
  
The weird thing was ... (without the exception of no technology ) It looked strangely like Katie's room. Silky white sheets, along with matching shams, ect.  
  
Katie sat down on her bed. "Tammy, what are we going to DO?"  
  
"I HATE THIS!" Tammy said, and flailed.  
  
"WELL I HATE IT TOO!" Katie yelled.  
  
"Whatever! I wanna go home!"  
  
"I hate these unoriginal, friggin' Mary-Sues!"  
  
"Me too!"  
  
"I wanna go home!"  
  
"Well so do I!"  
  
"I'm going to bed."  
  
"Can I stay with you?"  
  
"Whatever! I don't know! Go follow Merry! It would look odd with you in my room!"  
  
"Okay ......"  
  
Tammy sadly left, and Katie sighed as she lay on her bed.  
  
Friggin' Mary-Sues!  
  
"Corny! This is so stupid! Why can't people think of something really NEW?" Katie said, and started crying. You can always blame those friggin' Mary-Sues.  
  
**************** Please Review! Thanx for reviewing, everybody! ************** 


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